Image courtesy of Pexels

Grief and Learning to Live on After Losing a Child

Losing someone you love is devastating, especially if your loved one is your baby. How do you endure when your little one is gone? Here is some advice for managing your grief, finding ways to honor your child’s life, and continuing to live your own.

Avoid labels and limits. Sometimes, people can inadvertently downplay grief, even their own. You might think you should heal more quickly than you do, but it’s important to recognize grief has no set timelines. Others might make comments to you about the amount of time they needed for healing from a loss, or worse, remind you that you still have other children or other people to love. In fact, at times, grief can rise from seemingly nowhere, a memory or emotion triggered without notice from the smallest intimation. Some days may be harder than others, and finding ways to manage grief can be challenging. While life right now may be excruciating and you will always miss your little one, in time, the pain will ease. Let your emotions come and go. You might be surprised at how much your feelings vary, from guilt and regret to sadness and anger. Many people find it helpful to participate in an online bereavement program, which helps to guide the process and offers support during the initial few months following loss.

Prioritize self-care. While it may be the last thing you feel like doing, tending to your personal needs should be your first priority. Make sure you are paying attention to your health. Participate in a self-care program, being gentle with yourself and noting your overall wellness. As MindBodyGreen points out, the grieving process affects your mind and body. You might struggle to eat and sleep, or you might eat too much and sleep more than usual. It’s an important time to embrace natural rhythms. Spend time outside absorbing sunshine and enjoying green space. Listen to a creek or sit next to a lake, watching and listening to the water. Being attuned to nature can help you synchronize your body rhythms. Huffington Post also suggests finding a physical outlet for your grief. Exercising is known to lower stress levels and release endorphins, which are feel-good chemicals in your brain. Consider it an opportunity to express in a physical manner what you can’t express in any other way.

Stay connected. It’s important to avoid becoming isolated while you’re grieving. Try to maintain your normal routine as much as possible. Spend time with family members and friends. You might find the situation is awkward for many people, not because they don’t care about you, but because they aren’t sure how to support you. Sometimes, it can be helpful to talk with them about your loss. By directly opening the conversation, you can ease the tension, opening the opportunity for support and caring.

Honor memories. Creating a memorial for your little one is a wonderful way to honor your baby’s life. Memorials are highly personal, and while in the fog of grief it can be difficult to decide at first what yours should be, you will know the perfect method when you find it. Some people prefer performing an annual ritual, such as lighting a candle or releasing a sky lantern. Some other ideas are to make a charitable donation, create a shadow box, or adopt a pet. Some parents prefer to create a garden, planting special flowers and laying a stepping stone with their baby in mind. There is no right or wrong answer; just do whatever is meaningful to you.

Losing a child is extraordinarily painful, and you might not know how to move forward. Let yourself grieve, tend to your needs, stay connected, and honor your memories. In time, you will learn to live again.